Illumination

And beneath the subtotal line of my life's calculations to date, I find that perhaps the sole source of joy is the sound of others' laughter.

This joy is fleeting, even perplexing.  It is liberating, mystifying, humbling in its purity and undeniable truth.

What I'm saying is, the laughter of other people is the highlight of my existence.

I like other parts of my time and experience just fine.  But it's: that tinkling sound of a glass pane finally giving in to the shatter; that sizzling frisson of mirth bubbling up and over from under the pot lid; that sudden guffaw strike of the ringside bell...   it is that sound of laughter that makes me feel real.  That makes me forget despair, the woeful burden of consciousness knowing and noodling and nudging itself relentlessly, the throbbing tick tock of breathing and heart beating and blood blood blood flowing in an endless circle.

And it works best coming from people I truly love.

This laughter cracks the foundation of what holds us together inside ourselves.  It is release, explosive and uncontaminated.  And I'm a fan.


It is this position I find myself in, that makes me feel somewhat better about myself.  I like this about me. 

Anyway.  Just a passing thought that recurs with regularity.

And yet

And yet I'm still brooding. Am not closing the deal on brooding. Brooding on brooding.

Brooding on the best course of brooding. The memories and ways, the silences and Vega's bad wisdom.

And I'm off, going no where. Merely the hearth, and not yet the inspired recipe debuting at the celebrated gathering of friends. The folks' lore accomplishing and beating back autocomplete.  

Make me a mix tape. Meet me at the mall. Take me home. Give me bus fare I'll use for booze for the long walk.

Make me, break me, intervene upon this sad man in the middle of his life.

Just give me warning before the end.

And yet, the beginning.

Love only ends with pain.
And pain only ends with love.

So love this pain and tickle my mobious strip soul.

Remember the laughter that brought tears to our eyes.

And fucking drink a beer.