Illumination

And beneath the subtotal line of my life's calculations to date, I find that perhaps the sole source of joy is the sound of others' laughter.

This joy is fleeting, even perplexing.  It is liberating, mystifying, humbling in its purity and undeniable truth.

What I'm saying is, the laughter of other people is the highlight of my existence.

I like other parts of my time and experience just fine.  But it's: that tinkling sound of a glass pane finally giving in to the shatter; that sizzling frisson of mirth bubbling up and over from under the pot lid; that sudden guffaw strike of the ringside bell...   it is that sound of laughter that makes me feel real.  That makes me forget despair, the woeful burden of consciousness knowing and noodling and nudging itself relentlessly, the throbbing tick tock of breathing and heart beating and blood blood blood flowing in an endless circle.

And it works best coming from people I truly love.

This laughter cracks the foundation of what holds us together inside ourselves.  It is release, explosive and uncontaminated.  And I'm a fan.


It is this position I find myself in, that makes me feel somewhat better about myself.  I like this about me. 

Anyway.  Just a passing thought that recurs with regularity.