Fall Singularity

And, ultimately, it's just me. Everything falls away, the distractions dissolve in the fluid flow that is my continuous heartbeat. 

I confess I don't know how to live. Just work. Work through adversity, challenge, and the deaths the creep up on us. Like a hungry wolf pack on the icy plane. 

It's fall now. Generally the season, and specifically of my life.

I feel the passing of my father into his late winter state, and the house move from where maybe the sunniest years of life were spent with my betrothed, and the sudden loss of our dear pets that followed us here…marks the turn into the said third season. 

It leaves me sad and at a loss in this season of loss. 

Yet relentless, the world turns, and cryptically makes the sun appear to leave and come again. These revolutions will be the death of me. And may I add, literally. 

My continued coping choice in the face of irresistible entropy will hasten that personal death. 

But maybe. Maybe a light will find these eyes and actions. Maybe. 

I do not live without hope. Hope in this life is a jacket hanging in the closet. Waiting to be worn. I find only the logic of next steps, and smile to dissuade the truth. 

This act of writing is nice. Something I've enjoyed and feared. Very akin to the other coping mechanisms. 

I wait for the future (death), as I waited to be born (life). 

I'm sorry to those who thought I have a heart. And I'm sorry to those who thought I didn't.  

I'll try to not disappear into darkness, this Fall. But there are greater mysteries pulling us below than gravity.  

We can only pray light does yet find an escape from such singularity.