Thursday, June 09, 2005
Robot Wish List
feeling a little intimidated by Sleepy's request for a Music Top Five ...
(per the man is a living, breathing encyclopedia of music knowledge and experience)
so I humbly redirect:
Check out the link above, and let me know just what actions, chores, jobs the robot developers should be working on.
1) Laundro-Robo: it's not good enough we have laundry machines to save us from heading down to the river and beating our blue jeans on a rock... I want an automaton to sort, wash, fold and put away those mondo piles of clothes that count as major landmarks in my bedroom.
2) Robo-Poop: picture your backyard, littered as usual by your beloved dog-food to dog-crap super converter, and you know it's time to get the shovel and clean up, again. But wait! Now, with the flip of a switch, here comes Robo-Poop! This little metal shit digger could take care of all those messes with ease. It could even toss the turds into its "mouth" and cremate those bad brown mountains in its belly.
3) Player-Bot: for all you hip, swinging players out there... this little pocket buddy could help you identify potential mates in a bar who are clean, disease free, not so drunk, or not drunk enough. Just release this little guy on a hunt of eavesdropping, skin sampling and drink testing, as he sneaks under tables and behind cocktail napkins. It's not an invasion of privacy if they never know! (Self-destruct mechanism sold separately.)
4) Scratch-A-Tron: got an itch you just can't reach? Then Scratch-A-Tron could be just what you're looking for! Simply jack "Scratchy" into your neural perception matrix (via nipples, dimples, or other paired nodes on your body), and let it find where you need the most attention. Super tough adjustable fingers and finger nails cater to your personal comfort level. The middle of your back has never known such satisfaction! (Also sold with "round-head" attachment for the ladies.)
5) Drinking Buddy 2000: probably the easiest robot design to attain in this list. DB2K could shoot pool, go bowling, and hang out at the race track with you. The ultimate wingman, DB2K would always take the ugly one. Just don't try to drink him under the table. (Comes with preprogrammed audio phrases such as: "Hell yeah!" "You Right!" and "Man, I told you she was a bitch.")