Thursday, June 09, 2005

Robot Wish List


Ok folks,

feeling a little intimidated by Sleepy's request for a Music Top Five ...
(per the man is a living, breathing encyclopedia of music knowledge and experience)

so I humbly redirect:

Check out the link above, and let me know just what actions, chores, jobs the robot developers should be working on.

I'll start.

1) Laundro-Robo: it's not good enough we have laundry machines to save us from heading down to the river and beating our blue jeans on a rock... I want an automaton to sort, wash, fold and put away those mondo piles of clothes that count as major landmarks in my bedroom.

2) Robo-Poop: picture your backyard, littered as usual by your beloved dog-food to dog-crap super converter, and you know it's time to get the shovel and clean up, again. But wait! Now, with the flip of a switch, here comes Robo-Poop! This little metal shit digger could take care of all those messes with ease. It could even toss the turds into its "mouth" and cremate those bad brown mountains in its belly.

3) Player-Bot: for all you hip, swinging players out there... this little pocket buddy could help you identify potential mates in a bar who are clean, disease free, not so drunk, or not drunk enough. Just release this little guy on a hunt of eavesdropping, skin sampling and drink testing, as he sneaks under tables and behind cocktail napkins. It's not an invasion of privacy if they never know! (Self-destruct mechanism sold separately.)

4) Scratch-A-Tron: got an itch you just can't reach? Then Scratch-A-Tron could be just what you're looking for! Simply jack "Scratchy" into your neural perception matrix (via nipples, dimples, or other paired nodes on your body), and let it find where you need the most attention. Super tough adjustable fingers and finger nails cater to your personal comfort level. The middle of your back has never known such satisfaction! (Also sold with "round-head" attachment for the ladies.)

5) Drinking Buddy 2000: probably the easiest robot design to attain in this list. DB2K could shoot pool, go bowling, and hang out at the race track with you. The ultimate wingman, DB2K would always take the ugly one. Just don't try to drink him under the table. (Comes with preprogrammed audio phrases such as: "Hell yeah!" "You Right!" and "Man, I told you she was a bitch.")


nostradumass said...

You say player bot, but let's call it what it is (or my idea before I read your "player bot" idea)--WingBot... as a single man, I could use a WingBot to reel em in for me to club them (metaphorically of course (sheesh)).
The other idea I had--As a drinking man, there's a need for a chauffer bot.
I'll let you know if I think of anything else, but that's what came to me off the top of the ole noggin.

Helskel said...

WingBot... yeah, I like that.

Anonymous said...

holy shit. the future is now. i'm going to live in a cave and avoid the whole thing. but i'm taking:

city boy-bot: to run down to the city and get me the things i so sorely need. such as booze, hookers, drugs, and ice-cream. comes with street smarts and a good sense of direction.

hunter-bot: just because i'm living in a cave doesn't mean i have the ability to fend for myself. for just a few dollars more, you will also receive, fire-making ability. (easily changed over to farmer-bot for growing those pesky vegetables)

last, but certainly not least.

bobthebuilder-bot: 'cause really, who wants to live in a cave when society crumbles?

Mr Bob said...

I do like drinking-buddy bot, very good for lonely single guys. All we need now is playboy bunny bot and they don't have to interact with anything living!

How about Ebay bot. He scours the house, the garage, the shed and looks for stuff you never use. Sends you a picture, You give a yeah or nay, he checks comparable prices, and posts it on Ebay. You can tell I have a lot of crap I'd love to get rid of.

Helskel said...


hippy chick said...

I just heard on NPR that people at MIT have come up with a cute robot. They think that if they make the robots "cute" then we will have less trouble accepting them into our everyday lives.

They gave it big baby eyes and a child's voice...

Sounds a wee bit creepy to me...

Anonymous said...

everyone knows that if we make robots they will eventually revolt and we will become their slaves. the whole thing is a bad idea. if only I weren't so lazy. then i wouldn't need robots to do all my work for me so i could have more time to spend on my ass.